Sometimes in the midst of upheaval, new life is born. I mean this literally this time. Some of you may relate to this story, but probably not most.

So I’ve been dealing with financial bankruptcy for some time now. For us, it’s not been a quick process, but a very slow one. I left my cushy corporate position with Xcel Energy, a major power company in the US, because I wanted to spend the majority of my day doing something that I felt benefitted more than just a few individuals riding atop a structure that was soon to topple. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those standing in the street saying “Repent, for the end is near!”, because we’ve still got a few years; maybe even a few decades. But I do feel that western civilization has taken all the ground it can and that a new paradigm for living that makes more room for the spiritual element in man is about to take root. This time, I see it as coming from across the globe rather than any one country, so wherever you are reading this, prepare your keyboards to participate in revolution!

Anyway, bankruptcy. I left with no clear idea of what I would do next, just a clarity that it wouldn’t be another corporate job, unfortunately, I’m a creature of extremes, and no normal job looked like it could scratch the itch either. Then my Mom passed. Then my wife and I had a miscarriage. Then we realized that we were going to loose the house. Then despair hit. I’m an exceptionally positive person. The type that finds the silver lining no matter how great the cloud. I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t even reach out to friends. Most of my friends valued the life I’d just left and would think me crazy.

One crisp December morning, I was taking a neighbor friend to the airport. I shared a little of my story, we had no money, were losing the house (that’s what started the conversation), and all about my Mom dying, my sister separating from her husband, the miscarriage, etc. I expected him to get very uncomfortable and not ask me for a ride to the airport again, but he surprisingly reciprocated. He shared about his downfall and how his life had hit bottom, and told me that when it did, he ended up in Seminary. Wait, what?? He’s the biggest looser in the world, but God will take him on as a leader? I waited for the punch line, but none came. He said that he’s not perfect now, but he at least knows Who to take his problems to before they destroy him. I started crying loudly inside my head, but managed to get him to the airport without any loud emotional outburst. Could God really want me? Could he handle my problems? I didn’t think so, but I figured if He was willing to take me on, I’d let Him try. Like Janice Joplin said, “Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to loose”. So that’s what landed me in Seminary. Now what?

To anyone who thinks you find God and it gets easier, are listening to people who aren’t really finding God (yes, this means you Osteen), or people not telling the whole truth. My troubles got worse. We had another miscarriage. I didn’t know how to pay the bills on student loans. My wife got depressed. I prayed all the time. Deep heartfelt prayers that, by all accounts of the contemporary Christians I’d heard from, should have gotten God up and flying to my aide. Nothing. Sure, He’d throw us a bone to keep us afloat, but not at all what I expected from all the salvation stories I’d heard. When they’re trying to convert you, why don’t they tell you about these times??!!

We continued faithfully like this until the house went up for foreclosure sale. Or so we thought. We pulled all our funds together to rent a small house nearby because we were sure the house was going into foreclosure. It was a cute house and we thought things would get easier, or at least even out now. Meanwhile, we had gotten pregnant. This time the doctors think they figured out what was causing the miscarriages, which meant Heather had to take 2 shots a day to the abdomen. Better than loosing the baby, I guess. But there was something wrong with the house. I started having stomach troubles and difficulty breathing. My breath would be horrible every morning, but as soon as I left the house, all of this would subside. The landlords who were also Christians, hired someone to come in and do air quality testing. Great! But they found nothing. (Could be because they left all the doors open before the tests, but I’m not the expert!) They offered to let us out of the lease with a $500 lease-breaking penalty as long as we paid rent until they re-leased it. How generous! Since I didn’t have thousands of dollars to pay toward nothing, we (me, the pregnant wife and the 2 and a half year old) moved back to the other house, which hadn’t sold yet, while I spent my days trying to find something.  Found a natural gas leak by the furnace and they fixed it. So we came back. But the problem persisted. Found a mold problem and we fixed that. Still feeling crappy. Finally the sewage company came by to flush out the lines in front of the house. Bingo! The house filled with an obvious sewar smell. The sewer guys came in and after some investigation told us that we had a sewer gas leak. So is that bad? Well the baby had stopped growing for the two weeks we were living there, and people have died from one of the components in the gas Hydrogen Sulfide. We moved back to the other house and told the landlord. But they came and investigated and couldn’t find it! They wouldn’t let me help them find it either. I was amazed. They said they’d let us out of the lease free this time. We took this option and moved back into the other house waiting for it to sell. So now I have a pregnant wife about to deliver, and the rest of us (including my 19 year old who’s still in the old house) living in total disarray. My back is shot, having moved us back and forth so much. I have to get the house ready for the baby, we have no money, school is about to start again, and did I mention we have no money?

Into all this, a life is born. Silence. She’s beautiful. I have no words.

I know most of you will not get this at first pass, but meditate on it, because it’s a big one. The Buddha got this one. Christ got this one in a big way. The point to life is not to avoid suffering. We all claim we know this, but we don’t live like it. Sure, we’ll avoid suffering in the hopes of attaining a later personal gain, but to suffer for someone else is rare, especially someone who’s not a family member. Buddha thought that the best way to deal with this reality was to have people understand that suffering is an unavoidable part of life, and that we are to pursue enlightenment by practicing and meditating on suffering and acting for the betterment of others. Jesus simply demonstrated extreme personal suffering for the sake of everyone so what we might be reconciled to God and choose to love as He did.

I think the point of life is to pursue suffering like the points you get on the way to winning a video game. I never thought I’d use a video game as a metaphor for life, but it fits. The more points you accumulate along the way, the more able and prepared you are at the end to win. But you have to risk danger and death to accumulate these points. These are your suffering points and they bring great reward. You can earn more life, or longer life. You can use them to acquire new tools. But you can’t amass any serious number of these without significant risk. And usually, the larger the risk required, the bigger the suffering points you receive. I know some of you are saying, ” Yeah, but you’re supposed to get these points without getting hurt or dying”. My answer is, “But you never do”. That’s the suffering.

So I say, go after the suffering points. Get used to that steady risk and the suffering that goes with it. If you don’t, they’ll still come after you. You’ll still have some danger in your life, and you’ll still get suffering points, but they’ll be the little ones that aren’t worth much and don’t get you big enough to win.

What’s the goal, you ask? That’s between you and God.

Happy Gaming!!