As these two blogs are going to be very interrelated for the next month I am reposting the original article I wrote here.

On September 11th, 2009 I turned 30 years old. The morning of, I went to the doctor’s office to have a stitch taken out of my neck. The stich had been put in after a biopsy incision had failed to cauterize. I sat there reclining and staring up at hot air balloons he projected onto the ceiling (presumably to pacify any nervous patients) while he prodded at the wound on my neck he’d put there a week earlier and informed me that the skin had an infection he’d have to give me something for.

He left the room to get his prescription pad and returned with a manila folder instead. When asked, he told me that apparently the biopsy results had come back. He flipped open the folder and scanned it’s contents. Then followed 30 seconds of silence which he decided to end with a punctuating, “Hunh.”

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Sometimes in the midst of upheaval, new life is born. I mean this literally this time. Some of you may relate to this story, but probably not most.

So I’ve been dealing with financial bankruptcy for some time now. For us, it’s not been a quick process, but a very slow one. I left my cushy corporate position with Xcel Energy, a major power company in the US, because I wanted to spend the majority of my day doing something that I felt benefitted more than just a few individuals riding atop a structure that was soon to topple. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those standing in the street saying “Repent, for the end is near!”, because we’ve still got a few years; maybe even a few decades. But I do feel that western civilization has taken all the ground it can and that a new paradigm for living that makes more room for the spiritual element in man is about to take root. This time, I see it as coming from across the globe rather than any one country, so wherever you are reading this, prepare your keyboards to participate in revolution!

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Blog?

Well Luke and I have clearly hit the skids for a bit. As is so often the case, and I forecast in my first post, life will occasionally step out and get in the way of the best laid plans. For my own part that has meant finding a new apartment, moving, and spending time getting to know my girlfriend again.

Luke has a crazier story that I will leave to him to relate.

Now that the dust appears to be settling for both of us I have a strong feeling that things are about to get back on track. For the person who may still be reading this out there, stick with us. We’ll be getting back on track shortly.

…probably.

Now that my 30th birthday is less than two months away and the depressing realization that I have still to nail down exactly, what “it” is that I’m doing with my life is setting in, I hear the same phrase with increasing regularity. From consoling family members to encouraging friends, everyone wants me to know that “30 Is The New 20.” That’s a nice thought. It means I shouldn’t feel so much pressure or disappointment in the fact that I’m not “on my way” just yet (presumably towards whatever “It” is.) Read more »

Ever wonder if evil is an entity? It does kind of move fluidly, from place to place, person to person. For example, the old totalitarian dictatorship of Iraq is now found in Iran. The starving China is now N. Korea. It’s kind of like that movie Fallen with Denzel Washington, where he plays a detective chasing a demon that moves from person to person, murdering as it goes. Whenever he chases it out of one person, it pops into another. The analogy holds on the surface.

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Sitting here in my favorite coffee shop, I ponder this question after it occurred to me that I’m close to who I really want to be inside, but that I always seem at least a little twisted to one side or the other. It seems that the context is all fouled up. In other words, this world and the constructs I have of it (mental and ontological) that allow me to operate so effectively inside it, also will always constrain me from hitting dead center of my true self, and so I remain a twisted, at least slightly distorted representation of the true self. Since we also have to deal with everyone else’s misconceptions of our true selves, we will never quite make it dead center in the eyes of others either. So the question arises, where (in what context) can we become our true selves? I’ve tried academia, New Age spirituality, PseudoPhych Seminars, Religion, corporate culture, TM, and a whole host of alternatives that I must admit capture some important essence of what center I’m attempting to locate, but none can contain all of it.

I think at this point I’ve just resigned to living as best I can, navigating the waters of life attempting to glean wisdom and share it when I feel it will be true for another, but I find this only moderately satisfying and can’t help but wonder if I’m not missing something important.

Who cares if I can lift it or not? That's not the point!

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Mental Wha?

While our itinerary this time through China has been much fuller than I’d anticipated, I’ve no doubt that I have been procrastinating sitting down to write this as I had been waiting for some traveler’s clarity to spring into my conscious mind which would help me tie a neat little bow around China and serve it up in something concise and palatable. Perhaps four days in one of the most complex and historically diverse countries in the entire world will not be enough for me to understand yet the implications of what this trip means to me. This may occur as something more of a travelog then, but since the point is to keep writing…

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As many of you noticed from my last blog, I have a two year old daughter, but it may come as a surprise that I also have a 19 year old son. How this happened is a post for another time.

Late last night he called in tears because his beloved pet died. He was very close with his ferret, spending time with him each night, but what I think compounded matters is that he’s on his own for the first time and everything seems to be breaking down. His aging car, dwindling finances, and even some promising dating possibilities.

I remember this time myself when I realized I was on my own for the first time. I had just left the USAF, moved to a city where I knew no one, leased an apartment I wasn’t sure I could afford, and started job hunting. I had just enough money to last until I could get a job, no more. One cold night, finances running low and job prospects abysmal, I attempted to light a fire in the fireplace. I realized, a bit too late, that I had forgotten to open the flu. Read more »

I'm really not this deep...

It seems a right of passage for all good nerds to try, at one time or another, and blog. We’re a strange bunch, we techies (or tech-ers if you prefer.) Normally by trade, many of us amass volumes of disconnected technical knowledge and ability in a range of many powerful creative tools. At first glance than, it must seem a natural fit to take that step onto the internet and apply the knowledge to a medium like blogging. Invariably though, knowing how to use a hammer and being able to build a house end up being two different things. My friends tell me too, you may not realize that you didn’t WANT to build the house until after you’ve started.

I guess I’ve just held out about as long as I can, Read more »

I’m not a blogger. I get things done the old fashioned way, I call people, meet them for coffee, and make descisions to do things face to face. But i’m realizing more and more that this is where things are getting done these days. If I want to continue to be productive in the eyes of my friends and associates, i need to get things done where they see productivity happen.

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